Thread: Turnabout
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Old 08-25-2011, 03:52 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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I'm conflicted, myself, about how important I want this girl to be, to him! On one hand, I like it -- I like seeing that he is developing deeper feelings, that he cares about her and she is not just some piece of fluff.

On the other hand -- he SAYS she's just fluff, to him!

So which one is it?

He thinks it makes me feel better to hear that she is not important to him. My EGO likes it. But my heart does not. My heart goes out to her, as I know she is falling deeply in love with him, and she does not consider HIM "fluff," in her life.

Like I just mentioned on another thread, he is afraid that everything he does with her, gives me license to do the same with Butch.

I think he suspects that i am setting him up, that I want him to go deeper with him, so I can go deeper with Butch.

I wonder about that, myself. I guess there is a real mix there, of altruistic and selfish motives. I want him to be happy, I want me to be happy! I would really like to find a nice balance, here, and sometimes I believe it is possible, and others I feel like this is an absolute mess, and failure is inevitable! This balancing act is still new and wobbly at this point, so that's what I am trying to keep in mind. We are in unchartered waters -- it's not always going to be smooth, right?

So one minute, I give him space to text her, I back off, go in the other room, whatever. The next I want to read everything they're saying. Then I get pissed and don't give a shit what they're saying, I'm just miffed that he is texting her instead of paying attention to me. I get resentful that they aren't as respectful as Butch and me, who refrain from any contact when Sundance is with me (and frankly, overall. We limit our contact. It's better for all of us, and I have adjusted to it very well). But his relationship with her is DIFFERENT. I can't expect it to be a carbon copy. I know what it feels like to be in her shoes, and I know how much it means to be in contact with him now, when things are fresh and romantic and lovey and new. How can I deny them that??? She loves him. I empathize. What I don't know for sure is, where is his heart going to go, and how will he handle things? It's unknown, and my human nature is fearful of that. Intellectually, I have to rise above the fear, put it in perspective and say, WHO KNOWS. And be open to the adventure, of love and life.
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Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
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