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Old 08-25-2011, 02:58 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I find myself somewhere between BU and Carma. I've been in a secondary relationship with a married woman for almost two years. I started out as a casual sex partner with her and her husband, so boundaries on physical intimacy were never an issue. However, she and I haven't done more than kiss and cuddle just a little bit for the last 10-11 months because of her desire for space during her pregnancy... the baby is now almost 2 months old and it's understood between us that sex is "on hold" not "off the table", but I don't think either of us could begin to say when she'll be ready. So our situations are very different and yet very similar.

I feel for you. It's very hard to want someone and to always be holding back. I think BU brings up some very good questions. I think you deserve, 8 months in, to at least know what the intention is. Is sex on the horizon? Does her husband have any sense of the timeline he might require? Is he willing to push himself a little more, knowing that you (and presumably she also!) are hurting?

One thing for the husband to consider... by making you two "forbidden fruit" to each other he may actually be making your infatuation with each other that much stronger, even while you're hurting over it... that's how these things often go. Is that really what he wants?

I think everyone has acted admirably here, but if he really cares about you two he needs to recognize that you're adults with needs and this is a little silly... if you two are so emotionally entangled, that's just as potent and just as much (really just as little) of a threat to him as if you were physically entangled too. Does he really want to deal with his wife's depression and resentment if she loses you because you can't take it any more?
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