Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
I marvel your self-control.
Frankly, the prognosis isn't very good.
I understand the gratitude you feel for her husband for even considering this, and since you and especially your SO are the "bad guys" here, having broken the monogamous promise she gave to her husband, it might feel like you really are in no position to make demands.
But at some point, you will have to start considering your own emotional health.
This feedback makes me feel mixed emotions, BU. I marvel at the self-control -- but I do find it loving and honorable. Don't you? Who's to say it's a bad prognosis, if this man is willing to restrain his physical urges out of deep respect for this woman and her marriage?
As far as being in no position to make demands, yes, that is true -- when you get into this situation, you have to know what you're signing up for. It requires so much patience and acceptance. I see kidsoul's demonstration of these characteristics as admirable and awesome. How respectful!
But, kidsoul, if you go too long without being able to express the love you long to give in physical ways, you may find yourself really hurting. There may come a day when you have to make a tough decision. If the husband doesn't ease up, and she accepts his boundaries, then you may have to honestly say, "I need more. If I can't exchange love with you, I may need to move on to someone I can exchange love with, at a level that is healthy for me."
I have thought a lot in my own poly situation, "Is this a dead-end street?" In many ways, YES, mine is. Can I accept that? I have to have a "carpe deim" way of living. Does it matter where it ends up? Is love in and of itself enough of a journey along the way? I choose to focus on the present, and not get so caught up in where this is going, where it will end. However, I have to sometimes take a cold hard look, and accept the fact that it will likely end painfully. "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." Right? Well -- I guess we all have to decide for ourselves, what is worth it, and what is too expensive for our souls to endure.