Thank you everyone!
Mainly it is nice to hear that I am not a weirdo or completely dysfunctional or immoral for having these needs and seeing this as a problem.
My husband and I are going on holiday tomorrow and have agreed to have lots of conversations. He is having a major freak-out at the very idea that I even might like other people in a sexual way. He has always been ok with me flirting (and I'm a big flirt) but when I said that sometimes I think about taking it further but I don't because of him and our relationship he went mad. He just doesn't believe you can desire more than one person at a time. As for love, not a chance. I have loved more than one person at a time and he just puts that idea down to stupidity or lack of commitment or something.
He still can't realy accept that there is anything unusual with a guy who doesn't like to do that much in bed. It is all really complicated.
It is all horrible, but I feel much better for saying something. He told me that he knew something was wrong but all the tricks he does to make me happy weren't working so he couldn't work out what it was. I guess I shouldn't have let it get this far but it is hard to separate out wanting to be with someone forever, polyamorous feelings, sexual dysfunction, and total sexual incompatibility. It is a bit of a knot.