First off there is A LOT of threads here on mono/poly relationships. Its our biggest tag. Do a search for "mono/poly" under the tags and have a look around.
I am Mono's partner. I agree that in time she will tire of the texting rule and other annoying attempts to control. I would just give control to her as much as I can and pick my battles. Funny how giving someone some control makes them want to give it back.
She might very well feel as if she is giving you a gift. I wanted to point out that this is a very mono way of looking at it and not bad, but just "a" way of looking at it. Some might argue that she is selfish and controlling and some might see that she is making attempts to get through the loss she feels of a relationship that doesn't exist as she once knew it. It takes time and adjustment. You need to give her all the time she needs I think if you want this man in your life and a possible friendship with her. To me that is respectful, considerate and builds trust and integrity.
I would suggest doing activities with her as you did before so you have a venue for talking and expressing yourself. She could also benefit from being able to share some of her fears with you as well. Metamour relationships make or break poly relationship dynamics in my experience. Working on them is as important if not more in some instances, than working on ones partnership.
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