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Old 08-24-2011, 05:52 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
NRE is kind of a cloud. When you poof it out of the way for a minute, you find that underneath it all the love is still there, and you are more solid in your marriage than you think. It sounds to me like you two are starting out from a good place. Keep up the good communication. And don't forget to laugh and lighten up. It helps.
Carma, you're describing NRE from the point of view of the person IN NRE. I can tell you that's NOT how it feels to the other person left out of it if the person in NRE isn't taking care of their shit.

Warning: This part is strictly my personal experience, so take it for what it's worth.

When my hubs was in NRE his whole being and attention was on the new relationship. As soon as they started dating I got almost nothing-- very few texts, no phone calls, our skype sessions stopped, nothing. I was completely left alone with no reassurance that I was still loved or even thought about as anything more than the person taking care of the shit at home. In fact, when I explained this, and other things that were going on that were not cool, he acted like I was shitting all over his party for not going along with whatever they chose to do.

Had this happened locally-- we may not be together right now. And he would have been surprised because HE was in such a loving fog of whatever, that he couldn't see he was completely neglecting me. EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HIM HE WAS. He couldn't understand how I felt that way, therefore it wasn't real to him. But the problem was his actions were all I had-- the inner thoughts and feelings of loving me didn't matter if they remained inside his head and his actions showed me no concern. I got to a point where I just didn't give a fuck what he did because he was going to do it anyway, regardless of how I felt.

This is not a good place to be in a relationship.

So my original point is NRE can be lovely-- but take care of your other freaking relationships TOO. And check in with those people to make sure you're doing that, because when you're in NRE your judgment, sense of time and attention is for SHIT. If the people you love are saying they're feeling neglected or not getting their needs met, listen to them. Or you may find yourself mourning the loss of a relationship or two.

Edited: And yes, I am still getting over some pretty pissed off feelings about this...
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