I think it's a case of him realizing what he is getting himself into and whether it's what he wants or not. But it's great that you've been completely honest with him. The decision to sign on is his. And it's true -- he may not be willing to risk getting hurt. He may not be interested in being a secondary.
Butch is ADAMANT about my marriage staying intact. He does not want me to compromise my family for him, in any way. When you are honest and upfront like you are being, it's like saying: "This is me. Love all of me, and the fact is, I am married and I have a family I am committed to." Sometimes I feel funny when I'm in bed with Butch and I look down at my wedding ring. I think, "I should hide that under the pillow or something! Doesn't that bother him?" And I realize, this ring is a symbol of something that is the Truth. And we are not about lies. That's what makes our relationship so great. It is what it is. Butch makes it perfectly clear to me that he is not open to me showing up on his doorstep to move in! But our circumstances are unique.
Your new man has to ask himself the tough questions: "Do I want a full-time lover? Do I want a partner in life who will live with me?" That is not the relationship you are offering him. Yes, it can evolve, but just for today, this is where you stand, so he can't come into it with any delusions. You've been loving enough to make that clear to him. Another question he may need to ask himself is, "Do I believe this woman loves her husband, or am I hoping that's not really true?" That's a tricky one. He needs to examine his motives. "An expectation is a premeditated resentment." So it's good to be perfectly clear on what you both want.
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy