Originally Posted by Longing
it was something with my insurance. They will not pay for more than one counselor per person. They said we would have to choose one, individual counselors or a marriage counselor.
At this point I asked if I could go with him to his counselor figuring it might be less intimidating than coming with me to mine. I really just want help trying to understand what it is he wants from me so I can answer with understanding if I can do it or not.
His next appointment is a month away
I came on here to give myself a way to try understanding more in the meantime or else I'll go crazy with the wait!
Im so thankful for the responses. I appreciate the kind words and suggestions!
Wierd that they won't pay for both, lots of insurance will pay for individual and "family" therapy. And most therapists will bill the insurance for family therapy, even if it's a couple (who's to say how many it takes to be a family). If you asked your insurance company about "marraige" therapy specifically, then yes, they probably denied it. Try seeing if they cover family therapy, then find a therapist that will see you as a family.
Also, if you do couple's therapy, you should be seeing a NEW therapist, not going to his therapist, or him going to yours. It should be a separate new person who is not already engaged with either of you, in order for them to be more objective and for (hopefully) both people to be able to feel supported.
At this point I almost think it would be better to keep going to individual for a while. If you're not working on yourself and figuring out what you need and want to make you happy, then you're not going to be in a position to do the good work as a couple. But that's my very highly opinionated opinion.
I'm seeing a lot of behavior indicating low self-esteem, and that needs to be worked on for your own benefit, and only then can you give your full self to anybody -- whomever you might choose. And with a full, healthy self-esteem you might find your choices to be a bit different.