You're probably right that if we hadn't been secondaries that his wife wouldn't have been able to veto. But that doesn't mean I think using these designations for prioritizing is wrong. So we will have to agree to disagree.
Thank you for your support. I have moments when I'm mostly okay and moments when I fall apart. I know that'll last for a while and then things will get better slowly. And yes, this was in addition to my other three. Since I'm a snowbird, I live half the year in Tacoma and half in Tucson. The man who just broke up with me is in Tacoma. My girlfriends are in Tucson. My other man is in Texas. (What is it with me and T's?)
I believe that most of the problem was that he didn't know how to temper his NRE and that drove her nuts. He thinks she will eventually come around. We'll see. It'll get sorted out, this lifetime or the next....