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Old 08-24-2011, 03:13 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I feel like I've been addicted to this board, lately! At least the fact that I've been giving a lot of advice let's me feel like my karma is balancing out, since normally I just post here and let other people give *me* advice.

I sleep so much better when Davis is in the bed with me, but I try to spend some nights alone, because I want to maintain a certain degree of independence. I'm still not sure where this relationship is going and I don't want us to get too completely tangled in each other's lives too quickly.

One thing that I love about Davis is that he's as touchy-feely as I am. In bed, even when we're not being sexual, we just wrap around each other and nuzzle.

As much as I love Gia, she's not a cuddler, alas. When she's being intimate with someone that's one thing, but in her normal life she likes more space most of the time. Since we haven't been intimate in so long, that means that our instances of close physical contact are pretty limited. I ration out my touches, trying not to reach out so much that I make her feel like she wants to pull away. A caress on her shoulder there, a hand on her foot there. Like with a cat, I have to let her come to me if I want to pet her.

Last night, while I was over G&E's place, I had a drink and got a little sleepy. I told Gia I was going to go lay down on her bed for a bit. Eric was there, reading. I laid next to him quietly for a minute, then turned to him and said "Do you mind if I cuddle on you?" (he doesn't have the same need for space that Gia does but I didn't want to intrude). He thought about it for a moment, sort of furrowing his brow, then said "No," and, after another moment, lifted his arm to let me snuggle under. It felt really nice. He had to keep rearranging his book to read comfortably. I felt a little bad, but he didn't indicate that he wanted me to leave/move, so I just enjoyed it. After a while I got up and hung out with Gia more.

This Saturday I get to babysit Bee all on my own!!!! So far, only Gia's parents have done that. I feel so special. ^_^ I'm really excited to get to spend time with the little guy. And I'm also excited because I'll be helping to show them that it's totally possible for them to continue to have a life outside of the house and the baby, which has obvious benefits for me. They're going out dancing with some friends (I'm not a big dancer, so I don't feel bad being asked to be the sitter in this instance), which is something that Gia loves and has been absolutely dying to do for months.

I'm so, so, so eager for things to get back to something like "normal"! I know, I know, there's no "normal" when you have a kid, especially a new baby, things will just keep changing and changing and changing. But what I'm anticipating is the time when she and I can actually go *out* again, rather than me *always* going to their place to see her... now that the pregnancy is over she's finally back on her full dose of anti-anxiety meds so the idea of venturing out into the world is no longer so intimidating.

I don't expect out-in-the-world dates to be a super regular thing... it'll always be easier for her to stay in and continue looking after Bee, and I like Bee and Eric too, so that works... but I just want to do it *occasionally*, y'know?

And sex. God. I miss the sex. When she was pregnant it was much easier to put it out of my mind. Now that the baby is out into the world and she's healed up from the birth I know that everything isn't going to immediately snap back to normal, but, but, but, I've been waiting so long and I feel like it's so close, argh, wantwantwantwant. *sigh* We used to have the *most* amazing sex...

I think the moment I really knew I was starting to fall in love with her was early on, when we were having sex. Not to get too pornographic, but I was tied up and Eric was doing things to me, and she was cradling my head and looking down at me and her face was suffused with intent and interest and feeling and she just breathed "Beautiful..." while looking into my eyes. And it was like I suddenly saw her in a different way, she had been attractive before but it was suddenly like she was this perfect creature, like she was the most beautiful woman in the world, like an angel. I'm not crazy, I don't look at her and mentally block out her flaws, but things were different for me after that.
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