Primary and secondary aren't rankings of "loveliness" to me. They are rankings of priority. My primary partner, my husband is my first priority. If push comes to shove, if all of my partners were to have crises at the same time, my responsibility is to my primary partner first. My secondary partners all come before my friends, who come before my acquaintances. We all make these types of choices and rankings in our lives. Why can't we acknowledge that?