I guess what I really wanted to say in that last aside is... the whole idea of poly is loving more than one person. I firmly believe you can be whole-heartedly on the "team" of a married couple while saying "I love you" to one of them. There are very, very few circumstances under which I can imagine leaving my girlfriend. One would be if I thought I was damaging her relationship with her husband. It's exactly because I love her so much that I see it to be of vital importance to support her relationship with her husband. It gives her so much that I couldn't live with myself if I thought I'd taken it from her.
I apologize for posting a semi-related manifesto on your blog while you're dealing with such tough things, but I felt this was important to say.