I'm right there with you, ygq. I recently lost a partner I am deeply in love with. I feel like I hurt more than I've ever hurt. But I have my husband and other partners that I can lean on, who will hold me when I cry and distract me. I try not to over-burden them with my grief, but they are all poly and understand what's going on.
As nycyndie said, grief is a rollcoaster. You have to let it take you where it wants to go for a while. You have to feel what you feel and not fight it. That only prolongs the pain, in my experience. Hang in there and I'll hang with you.