I could be way off here but ....this might make some sense. This poly situation came to sundance's door ....he has had problems adjusting (similar to what you are now going through) he voiced his feelings/complaints and by your own account you "have been a jerk to him" ...acting like he had to earn your love.....well maybe he doesn't give a shit about bruising a couple boundaries ...or telling a couple of lies. He may feel nothing he will do or say would be or could be as threatening to your marriage as what he had to endure because he knows his feelings right now.....about her....he sounds afraid to really explore this as if he were single because he know himself and the situation ... This girls not his type ....etc....he's not just down playing it for you but for himself as well. To me that's the warning shot .....With the" right " girl and right circumstance the word Love will be used ...in conjunction with sex ...nre will rear it head ...and your coping skills will really be tested.
I bet the kids and family weigh in this more than you know.... right now ...absent that wonderful NRE...
So has he done some wrong things....yes ....do they spell disaster ?...maybe but I don't think we're there yet....the key is does he see "the wrong things" and if so does he care???? that's what you need to find out.
I do understand his guilt in those first encounters ...its as if you broke the commitment to your spouse....and it should show you how committed he was to you and the family.
My advice relax a bit the sky might not be falling ....and if it is fix it then. And what ever you do ....NO self medicating ...that's a sure way for this to go sideways.
Start thinking about the bright side of things ...
... it should free up more time for Butch.....the pressure you wanted off will be off....A happy sundance ...etc
Good luck and take care D
PS they now believe Butch did not die in Bolivia ...came back worked and died Washington state...penned a book about their exploits.
Last edited by dingedheart; 08-23-2011 at 03:34 PM.