Hmmm. Yeah, being clear with your boundaries is key. If you said "I want to know exactly what you're doing on your date and if it changes I want to know before you do something new so I can make sure I feel comfortable with it" that's one thing, whereas if you just said "I want to know what you guys do on dates" I can easily see how he'd think "I'll tell her when I get home," which I suppose he must have done since you know about it. It might be that you didn't realize that was a boundary before now. But it does seem pretty restrictive to me and like a tough thing to follow... a date with a person can often be kinda organic, y'know?
As for stepping the relationship back... I guess I would ask myself is it just friendship and sex for them, or are there feelings involved? If the latter, that's a harsh thing to ask. I mean, the original idea was for you to have the outside relationship, can you imagine how you'd feel if you'd formed one and were falling for someone with (you thought) your husband's blessing and participation, only to then have to suddenly cut it off? I'm not saying that's not maybe what needs to happen, just recognize that it might be a hurtful thing to require of him, and that working on your jealousy and trust issues might be the better road if you can. The xeromag.com articles are all very good.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 08-23-2011 at 12:28 PM.