Thread: Confused
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Old 08-23-2011, 12:09 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by BigTalker View Post
Here's my situation to add to the multitudes...My husband and I are happily married. We have had a remarkable situation from the beginning. Love, acceptance, and honesty have been staples from the start. We have dabbled in dating others, swinging, etc. I though have not had sex with another man since we met. We have had threesomes...those were fun and helped me realize I am more straight than I first thought, lol.
3somes with another woman or women, you mean.

But I think it has all been a stepping stone to Polyamory. He has recently had an old flame enter his life and on paper she is the perfect "unicorn". I don't ever want to deny him or judge him. I have been a willing participant in all our crazy ideas. I was totally on board for the poly thing. I have never been very faithful myself or thought one person was enough for one other person. The ironic problem now is I am completely happy with one person. I really have no desire to date, be intimate with anyone else.
You've changed! Hmm, maybe you'll change back to wanting another lover one of these days. But don't attempt to have a 3way with this unicorn if you really don't feel like it. Unicorns are overrated.

Regardless of jealousy exercises or anything else, what I have come to realize is a fundamental difference, I want him to NOT want to be poly. I want him to feel the same way I do about him, but it is not the case. Now that I know do I deal with it? He would give up the poly, but if I really love him and want his happiness, then I would rather just deal with it all. Where do I start accepting and losing the hurt I feel. Thanks for listening!
Well, if a person is poly, they are poly. Even if they don't act on it. It's good you know how you feel about seeing others (for now), but he's feeling differently. You can feel something-- "I wish he wasn't poly, just because I am not." Feelings are feelings. It's what you do with them that matters. And you must honor your partner's feelings, or resentment would build, I'd think.

Why do you want him to only be with you now, after so many years of playing around with others?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (34, poly)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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