I'm sorry that you are having a tough time. I'd like to point out that because your partner cheated with this other individual, youre not just dealing with jealousy. Youve got hurt, betrayal, possibly abandonment, anger, jealousy, and a lot of strong emotions. Thats really awesome that you want to work through your jealousy but also you have to mend the relationship. Regain trust, forgive, etc. Poly is very difficult, but not impossible, when the primary relationship isnt in good shape. Maybe look at what you need from your partner in order to heal. Also decide what you want. If you dont want to do poly or if you want to try and work through. Neither path is right or more enlightened. Its about whats best for you. And maybe I missed it but did you specify if you are poly or mono?
dont be too hard on yourself for having emotions. Your response to your current situation sounds normal and reasonable. Its understandable that you have a hard time with them being lovers. Just allow yourself time and space to heal because otherwise youll only end ul feeling more negatively toward them. Hugs!
Last edited by ray; 08-23-2011 at 05:25 AM.