Since I dont want to post a long hijack in Black unicorns blog, I'll elaborate a bit more about my anxieties regarding love with vanillas. Until the last year or so, I hadnt experienced sexual attraction to a person. I am uncertain if I can be sexually aroused without some involvement of kink. Keep in mind that I still havent had sex. So I wont know more until I start to explore this more. I was very much in love with O but only experienced limited sexual arousal and it vanished entirely when he made it clear that he was unwilling to indulge my kinks. Could it work out with a GGG, loving vanilla partner? Yeah. As ive been getting involved in the kink scene, there is something really wonderful about connecting with folks who share those fantasies and desires. For me its more than a fetish or two. Its a creative, shared play space where really wonderful things happen. You can teach people how to spank, flog, use a tens unit, etc but you cant teach them that headspace. Some people just cant access it. Ive never been aroused by the thought of sex that didnt involve some kind of kink. That could change for sure. Im afraid that I couldnt have a fulfilling sexual relationship with someone who was only willing to have plain vanilla sex. I wouldnt write some one off just because they werent an active kinkster but if they rejected that side of me like my ex did, I want no part of it. That dynamic made me feel ashamed of who I am and did a lot of damage to my sexuality. If some one cant embrace that, I would feel incredibly unhappy. There are a lot of different needs when it comes to kink. Some people truly cant be aroused without it. Itd be cool if I find out thats not the category I fall into. But I have a feeling that I do.
Ive also tried to explain enough kinky things to vanilla friends and despite their best efforts not remotely understanding what im trying to say. Conversely, when they try to explain why vanilla sex is enough for them, I do not get it. While not the only part of a relationship, its still important. Id be scared of the vanilla partner rejecting a very deep part of my sexuality. Coming out to a partner can be very scary and after my last experience with that, im extremely hesitant to put myself through that again.
I also dont want you to think that all kinksters think that vanilla sex is dumb or boring as a whole for everyone. I certainly dont. I often feel quite inadequate that I am not aroused by it. I spent most of my life thinking I was a huge freak. There are a lot of
kinks that I find uninteresting the same as pure, vanilla sex. We are all aroused by different things. Its not that I think kink is superior, it just works best for me for reasons ive never been able to figure out :-)
Last edited by ray; 08-23-2011 at 12:32 AM.