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Old 08-22-2011, 03:14 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by leslie View Post
Recently my husband got a job where he met a transgender MTF, that he has become very attracted to. The feeling is mutual between them. We have done a lot of things with A., as a threesome that are just fun. Increasingly, my husband has been sharing his fantasies with me. He is really turned on by A and wants to go on dates and be more sexual with her...

It seems that my husband keeps misunderstanding exactly what we have agreed to and pushes the boundaries, then acts like he couldn't possibly have known that it would bother me.
An example of this is an agreement that they go to dinner together and then play pool. Instead, they ended up in her apartment to watch a movie together.
It felt like he upped the level of intimacy without talking to me, but he thought it was fine.
Yeah, big difference between a date out in public and an intimate date cuddling at home on the couch. I hope he learns to take the boundaries you 2 have agreed on more seriously. Going more slowly will give you more time to get used to it, and reduce jealousy.

What should I do? The last conversation we had, I asked him to end the sexual aspect of the friendship and have us try to get back to the fun we used to have as three friends who like each other.
Nice fantasy, but when the sexy feelings start, you can't really turn them off. You know the expression NRE? New relationship energy. Infatuation. Those hormones are hard to fight and they can make us do crazy things, and in poly that can mean not taking our primary's feelings under consideration as much as we should.

There is a whole other matter of the fact that they work in an office together that I have not discussed here, but I worry about, too.
thanks for listening.
Keep working on things! Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 5 years
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