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Old 08-22-2011, 02:52 PM
leslie leslie is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 25
Default not sure what to do

I am married to a wonderful man whom I love very much. When we got married i agreed to work with him on having a poly relationship. Everything we discussed was about my being involved with a third person. With all of us being friends and potentially lovers. It sounded lovely but we didn't have anyone in mind.
Recently my husband got a job where he met a transgender MTF, that he has become very attracted to. The feeling is mutual between them. We have done a lot of things with A., as a threesome that are just fun. Increasingly, my husband has been sharing his fantasies with me. He is really turned on by A and wants to go on dates and be more sexual with her.
He is a kind person and we have talked a lot about how to ease into this, as we are newly wed, and just new to poly. We have a lot of knowledge about poly relationships, but very little positive experience.
About a year ago, he wanted to visit a HS girlfriend for the weekend, and that didn't work out very well with everyone feeling hurt and abandoned.
We learned to increase the communication, but I am still wary from that, I guess.
We made several agreements when my husband started dating, and he pretty much stuck to them, with some small variations that pushed my buttons.
It seems that my husband keeps misunderstanding exactly what we have agreed to and pushes the boundaries, then acts like he couldn't possibly have known that it would bother me.
An example of this is an agreement that they go to dinner together and then play pool. Instead, they ended up in her apartment to watch a movie together.
It felt like he upped the level of intimacy without talking to me, but he thought it was fine.
Anyway, we usually have good communication, but I am experiencing a lot of anxiety when he goes on a date with her. I am working on my insecurities with a therapist, and often feel like this is a good thing for our relationship, it brings us closer and gets us to talk about important issues, but I am also feeling like i wish I had never agreed to even consider poly. It brings me a lot of heart ache and sadness, too.
What should I do? The last conversation we had, I asked him to end the sexual aspect of the friendship and have us try to get back to the fun we used to have as three friends who like each other.
There is a whole other matter of the fact that they work in an office together that I have not discussed here, but I worry about, too.
thanks for listening.
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