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Old 08-22-2011, 11:05 AM
Longing Longing is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4
Question Dh asks for poly after 12 years mono marriage

I'm lost entirely. What is an appropriate response? I listened to his request and told him I can't live that way. He felt attacked and wants me to just accept him wholly. In the past several months he's secretly created online dating site profiles. Made contact with a woman where he frequently travels for overnight work trips, then made plans to go to her for a weekend before I found out. The trip was cancelled, and her contact info deleted as well as his 3 dating site profiles. Later I went to get something out of his wallet and found a condom package that he cant remember how it got there. Last week I saw on his phones web browsing history some craigslist personals adds in a different town he travels to frequently. He says he only looks. Won't do anything.
He wants to be poly. Has for a long time.
It kills me to be monogomous to a man who is able to give himself wholly and freely to others leaving nothing special or unique between us that marks our marriage. I married him as a virgin. I have no desire to live polyamorously. Neither of us want to end the marriage at this point. But that means one persons needs will be elevated above another persons. What a recipe for disaster! I just don't know what to do or think or feel any more.

Last edited by Longing; 08-22-2011 at 05:16 PM. Reason: Typos
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