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Old 08-22-2011, 04:37 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Thanks for the long and descriptive post about your life ClariceK. I appreciate knowing a little more. Please realize... both of you, that no one here knows you. I realize it is frustrating to hear what people say when they don't know the full story. A lot of us experienced that when they first came here and it gets sorted out with time and more from YOU. Like any good relationship, it takes time, a lot of talking and patience. I hope you stay and decide to inform us, rather than blow us off. Also realize that people come from a place of caring when they write; they were concerned... that is a good thing no?

I think if you read back what you have said as if you were one of us reading, you might find that you have the same kind of response. Emapthy is a great thing in terms of on-line forum writing... at least that is my experience anyway. Reading what I write from an out side view has been really enlightening. I can sometimes even find my own answers by asking myself what I would say to someone else who approached me with the same questions!

It sounds to me like your therapist isn't working for you... I know you say you feel as if you need to be "faithful" (was that the term, excuse me if it wasn't exactly) to him and don't want to hurt his feelings, but really, if he isn't working then he isn't working.... there are counsellors and therapists out there that will suit you more and be patient with your partner thinking therapy is shit... perhaps he thinks this because this guy isn't working. I dunno.

It sounds like your partner is rather brash in his honesty. That is fine, but if he is hurting peoples feelings including yours then maybe he needs to look at how he says things. I am also very blunt and honest and sometimes people are not interested in hearing what I have to say. I have to remind myself to be gentle with my words because it can be seen as abusive when people are blunt and abrasive. I have learned a lot from using and learning about "non-violent communication" by Marshal Rosenberg... There is some interesting stuff about him here if you do a search for "communication" in the tag section. Or you could search for him on line. My husband and I have been practising his technique for years now and I have become far more empathetic to others as a result. My words were unintentionally violent sometimes before... much because of how I was raised. I am learning to not only express myself more kindly, but also learning how to ask for what I need more kindly and without blowing up.... I'm a red head with a temper

This isn't so much about the woman that you took in, but I hope it helps.
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