And I never Said that It didnt have anything to do with not thinking about the third. But this post was about Vi speaking up about how she was feeling. She did state that she wasnt sure that she was in love with Anne and that she was struggling to consider Anne's feelings. But it seemed to me that The main issue here was that Vi was struggling to understand her place and Her relationship with HMA now that Anne was in the picture. And resenting the lack of one on one communication/time/investment within the relationship with HMA and herself.
Originally Posted by "violet'
As it sits right now, I'm in turmoil. I don't want to lose what we have going between all three of us, but I'm becoming possessive and weird. I went from really liking watching HMA and Anne together, to getting upset. I haven't mentioned that to either of them, so when HMA reads this it may come as a surprise. Maybe more of this will. I dunno. I went from enjoying the time all three of us spend together, to being resentful of the fact that it feels like that "all three" time is taking away from the time I have with HMA. I don't feel like I'm in love with Anne anymore. I hate that all my alone time with HMA is either spent talking about our triad or talking about how I'm not the same way I was a few weeks ago. Nothing is normal anymore.
HMA and I are supposed to be getting married next September. I went from not being able to keep my grubby little paws off of EVERY wedding magazine and website I could find - to being in near tears when I try to get into planning again. I had gotten better with it - but now, I'm right back to depression. I went from enjoying the odd looks and questions from people, to wishing that HMA and I could just be a normal couple again. I went from understanding that "love multiplies, it doesn't divide", to being COMPLETELY unable to understand how him loving both of us doesn't make it so he's taking love from me to give to her. I went from knowing that I was his whole world, and that she fit into that world seamlessly and knowing that it didn't mean I was threatened or being neglected - to being HORRIBLY upset that I no longer feel as though I'm EVERYTHING to him.
I have been through this. From being the "one and only" to sharing almost every part of your life and relationship. You lose that sense of importance..Of the special uniqueness that is that relationship. You feel hurt and lost. A Honestly it fucking sucks. I do believe that once those feelings are resolved and Her needs are being met by HMA that all the rest will be ok. AND I can almost guarantee that if those needs are being met that her feelings for Anne would be unchanged. Anger, jealousy and resentment have a way of clouding things . They are amazingly strong emotions and Can cause more bigger issues. Take it from someone who has been there too. Im not finished getting back to that place. But I plan to be.
I donít get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here...
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am
~ Ben Folds five ~