Thread: Falling In
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Old 08-20-2011, 09:15 PM
opo0606 opo0606 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7
Default Thanks for the response :-)

Hi Magdlyn,

Thank you for your thorough and thoughtful and thought provoking response. I'm a big fan of TL;DR writing and I'm glad it appears you are too.

you are the most outspoken and level headed unicorn we have seen here in a while.
I will take this as a compliment! Barbie has not appreciated some candid things I have said about having the hots for her boyfriend. It has inspired her fears about us running away together. Ken and I have talked about this and are leaning towards reigning in our own sexy talk and letting things move at her pace.

My boyfriend lives in Seattle and I live in the San Francisco area. The only reason we broke up was the distance and now it does seem we are "opening up" but have not reached a definition. Ken and Barbie have been together for 4 years, they share a loft and Ken says he could see them getting married one day. My boyfriend does not know Ken personally and has only said that he is happy that I am happy.

Oh! So you're a sub and into BDSM, but they've never tried it, and you want to jump right into that after barely getting to know them? I mean I know Ken's been a buddy for a while, but not a sex/love interest til just last weekend. She thinks this is "silly?" Can you tell me what is silly about it?
I only dabble in BDSM and am more interested in receiving commands than in being tortured. Ken told Barbie and I to make out and we did and it was hot. She meant it was silly in a humorous way from what I can tell.

I read the xeromag link and thank you for it! Most of the topics covered have been brought up with our triad already. One issue that came up was then Barbie made a decision to call everything off in a fight with Ken and I heard about this from Ken. Barbie had been flirting with me and I said something to set her off about Ken and I being hot for each other. I felt objectified and disrespected to hear about this from Ken. Fortunately Ken convinced her to call me and talk because I was upset, so she did and we talked. Now she and I are more hot for each other than ever!

One red flag is that it seems Barbie wants friendship with you, but Ken only wants sex. It's not poly if it's just fucking around. Do you just wanna fuck Ken, or does he have redeeming qualities as a potential boyfriend as well?
The man has plenty of redeemable qualities. We have been friends and have very easy conversations. One example of this is today on the phone the topic of our lust came up, and how it affects Barbie. He had meditated on his lustfulness and dismissed his expectations and is focusing on the fond memory of our camping trip. I am soooo happy to have heard that. He and I are 100% on the same page, and we can say "I love you" and know that it does not mean we want to run away together.

There can be many pitfalls. Barbie's already simmering fears about Ken leaving her are an indication of this.
Unfortunately though, Ken and I feel we cannot say "I love you" or even express passion for each other around Barbie right now. We'd both like to get to a place where that is acceptable. We are not deceiving her about our attraction, and she says she does not want anyone to walk on eggshells, but "tact" is a word that keeps coming up with regards to Ken and I wanting to fuck. I have censored myself with her. She has become more open with me talking about her sex problems with Ken.

She and I sent dirty texts all morning and when I brought up figuring out how/if Ken fits into us she said we should play it by ear. I suggested she and I get together alone to set boundaries. I am afraid that she would misinterpret the sexual chemistry Ken and I have as a threat to their relationship and have told her she is the one who gets to set the rules with him and me. She asked if she and I could have sex alone first to see if she "just needs a female in the mix". It turned me on and I'm excited at the possibility but still have some hesitations about whether she is being forthright with her thoughts and feelings. I will certainly share with her the rights of the secondary when we meet. Right now she is out of town for work.

Thank you again for your input, suggestions and links.
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