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Old 10-25-2009, 02:33 AM
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aussielover aussielover is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Posts: 262

Will do Mono.

I can't speak from the position of one of the primaries BUT, I can from someone from a place of confusion and hurt. What I will say here is V, you need to do a bit of soul searching. Sit quietly, relfect, meditate if you do that, try to get to the core of why everything seems suddenly so different and your feelings seem to have changed. Did something happen. Even something small that might have triggered something, an insecurity or made you feel threatened.

Sometimes it can be hard trying to think of someone elses feelings when its so difficult just trying to sort through your own. It's understandable. The one thing I will say about Anne is if you no longer love her, you defenately need to be honest with her and let her know. But if she is so in love with you as HMA says she is, seriously consider how you're really feeling about her. Dig deep within yourself and consider why it is you're feeling different about seeing or thinking about HMA and her together. HAVE you fallen out of love with her? Or has some jealousy creeped in from somewhere? These are all things to consider and it seems you have a lot of thinking to do. *HUGS*

As SG mentioned, and I agree, if the primary relationship isn't strong and solid, the triad wont be either. Basically, the primary relationship is the foundation. There's no getting around it. Like it or not. I would suggest trying to figure out first of if you have stopped loving her. After that, working on the relationship between you and HMA is defenately a priority. If your triad is to continue (as it doesn't sound like you would want it to turn into a V) unfortunately, Anne will have to sit tight and wait for you two to solidify the primary relationship again. As difficult as it is to sit and wait for something beyond your control, it's necessary if the relationship is to move forward. I'm in that position now as the 'change' SG discribed is going on in ours.

As for the internship, that's a tough one. Again, your feelings for Anne need to be figured out. She's going to have to make the decision to go herself, and if she goes then I think you need to be honest with her about how you feel. On the other hand, you don't want that to be the reason she stays. She may resent staying later on.

I know some of this has been said before, just putting down my thoughts on it. Stepping out of my position as a third can be difficult, because I DO sympathize with Anne, but that does not mean that I can not see where you're coming from. You need to try to find the reason things have changed so drasticly and wether or not you are still in love with Anne, and move from there.

Best of luck to you my friend.
"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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