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Old 08-20-2011, 05:12 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Your acts of lovingness and your openness to love are more important than any verbal affirmation of love.
No doubt, I've just gotta remember that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Why do I have to get hung up on the words?
For me, I know it just kills me to feel like there's something below the surface that I can't talk about. I guess being a freak about communication helps with poly the rest of the time...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think you're doing fine. I've told you this before, but I really don't think you have to focus or worry about the moment you tell him because I think it will just happen naturally if it does at all, and if it doesn't, know that he FEELS the love even if you don't say it.
I think I'm fine too, really, and I think you're more than likely right about all this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
And who knows -- he may surprise you and say it first!
God, I think I would cry in joy, if nothing else because I could finally stop wondering about this tell him or don't tell him question!

Thinking about it more (cuz hey, if you're gonna think about something why not way way overthink it, right? ), I think my biggest fear is that he'll think "Oh crap, she didn't take me seriously enough when I let her down gently before, now I need to let her down hard so that she really gets it... I care about her, and it's been nice being relaxed with her, but I need to make sure she gets those mistaken romantic hopes about me out of her head before it ruins everything." And then he'll get cold and pull back and all those wonderful moments of warmth we share now will be gone. That and the what-if-it-affects-my-relationship-with-Gia thing.

Funnily enough, despite all the typing I just did... or hell, maybe because of it, maybe I just needed to let it out, or maybe some of the advice actually penetrated... I'm feeling more sanguine about things today. Overthinking this just makes it loom bigger and bigger in my mind, and aren't there other things I could be focusing on right now?

I dreamt last night about a guy friend I'd once had a big, unspoken crush on, but who I haven't seen in years. In the dream we were cuddling and it was getting sexual. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go farther. He tried to convince me, and I didn't like feeling pushed about it. Then I suddenly remembered Davis and said "Oh sorry man, I totally forgot, I can't be doing this anyway."

If I took one thing from the dream, it was the fact that dreaming about Eric now and then isn't such a big deal. My brain just can't let go of situations where there things were left temptingly unresolved, to the point of dredging up an ancient attraction that was never more than a crush! Plus, I must be pretty ok with my boundaries with Davis if I can follow them even in my dreams.
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