I think you need to let them both know exactly what you just posted here, IE "I'm not trying to rush things for either of you, but I need to know what you guys are thinking, and what you want here. Even if that answer is 'I don't know' ".
Remember, there are three people involved here. You seem to be doing a pretty good job keeping their needs in mind - but don't forget that you have needs too, and this is one of them.
This is my family. It may be little, and broken, but it's still good. Yeah, still good.