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Old 08-20-2011, 01:07 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

A real cautiousl guess: Are you tired? Totally worn out and numb? After going through a hard time of constant suffering, worrying and sorrow I tend to feel like you described just because I was unable to keep on like that. My head chooses to take a break and shifts focus. Your love for your wife is like an absolute term that doesn't cause suffering for you itself. Maybe because of this you start to concentrate on it for now.

I have had a good friend whom I wanted to help. But she didn't wanted me to do so. I was hurting over her situation and felt for her but she didn't want me to get involved. After some months I just had to move on and let her be.

I was calm, just like you described your feelings, after a phone call. She told me the same old stories again and I suddenly got the feeling: I know, you have told me numerous times, I can't do anything and I know what you will tell me if I try to. I was calm and listened to her, started to be simply there for her and pulled myself out of it. Because I couldn't change it and I stopped trying to start at a point to fix things that was out of my reach. But our friendship was still there and I decided to start there, because it had suffered over the arguments of the past months.

We are still friends; after I let the more private matters of her slide and worked on our friendship she suddenly started listening again one day. I don't really know if she didn't trust me back then, if she wasn't ready to accept the truth or what ever. I just stayed at her side and waited for a better chance. Our friendship was stronger after this. I used to believe that my advice got a stronger impact after the change and the time that went by.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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