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Old 08-20-2011, 12:11 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,398

Lots of problems here. I read up on other posts of yours, Clarice... You've been through a lot of health issues, mental illness, cancer. DaJoshy has shown you, however, that he thinks psychological therapy is bullshit. He has also shown in his few posts here how very sarcastic he is, and how much trouble he has simply sharing his emotions. He also doesn't understand polyamory, and just wants sex with another woman, not a full relationship. No wonder your unicorn left.

I read you saying you don't have much of a sex drive. So, you allow other women into your couple to take care of Joshy's unmet sexual needs. But you 2 don't communicate well, he isn't open about his emotions. You and SluttyUnicorn (sheesh, what a name) were able to talk about emotions together, but obviously some deep issues weren't addressed, since she started an online relationship with another guy behind your backs.

Maybe her new guy is more open with his emotions than Josh is able to be. Maybe he doesn't just want her for sex, as Josh seemed to. His inability to be able to express emotions without sarcasm seems to be a stumbling block in your marriage. How much worse it must be for a unicorn, who isn't given an equal say in setting boundaries, who feels left out of being with his work friends, or with your extended families.

Do you realize that if Josh was more open with his emotions and able to go more deeply into difficult relationship issues, there is a chance your sex drive would pick up? Lack of full communication can lead to a deadening of excitement sexually.

Instead, you seem to use other women as a bandaid in your marriage. "He's nicer to me when he's got another woman in his life."

So, OK. You 2 worked hard and despite your health issues, are well off enough to have retired before age 40. You still have relationship issues that lead you to bring in this needy woman with a child, as a "sex partner," mainly for Josh.

Being poly does allow us to fulfill our needs that our primary doesn't fill. But if you and Josh have such deep struggles, shown in how he wanted you to dump your longtime therapist because the therapist asked him to look more deeply into his childhood issues, is a big red flag.

Seems to me you two should work on your own communication issues, instead of using a young "sex partner" to distract him with his lust. That is not fair to the unicorn.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years
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