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Old 08-20-2011, 07:14 AM
Khas Khas is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 9
Default Ooops..

I'm horrible at updating this..

I think I much prefer to simply talk. When I'm writing here, I tend to make these very long winded explanations, and way more detail than is probably helpful.

That said ... Communication is ongoing. Speaking of communication, I finally took another step.

One of the ... issues ... we've been facing is that Just has been explaining things to B, trying to reassure her, and generally handing the tricky parts of explaining this whole thing to her. B has been pretty much ok with that - she isn't in a hurry to ramp up a relationship, and we all want to take as much time as it takes, and make sure everybody is ok with each step.

This week, after some talking with Just, I had a brief conversation with B, and told her that I felt it wasn't really fair to Just to make her the primary focus of communication. She agreed, but as she wasn't really feeling well, I didn't try for any further discussion at that point.

Tonight, I was working on an email, trying to explain (to myself, as much as to them) what I was kind of hoping for, what I was thinking ... Kind of made an oops, and clicked send, where I meant to click save draft. Ya, not so great.

Not that what I had to say was all that extreme, but I'm not sure I was really ready to send that one out.. B is still wrapping her head around the poly thing (FWB, FB - 'open relationship' - sure, not too complicated.... Poly?? what is that).. So, at this point, I've either scared her off completely, or ushered in a new level of communication. Which remains to be seen.

Oh yes ... what I sent.

Something I think about a lot, when I think about this sort of possibility, is what I hear referred to as a tribe. Our present configuration, if you will, is sort of a V (I know we aren't really there yet, but that is the shape that is presently starting to form). I would expect, over time, if it does stick, that it would mature into a N, W or lXl (quad, to use the lingo) thing, or possibly more complicated.

I know we aren't really there yet, and I hope I'm not leaping too far ahead and scaring you off, but.. I am thinking a bit about how things may shape up, and I don't really think it too early to start considering what this may end up looking like.

If everything worked out exactly how I wanted it to, we would form a tribe - a circle of people who care for one another, love one another, and supported each other. Some of us may live together, others may not .. But there would be a common bond.

Friends, yes, but perhaps a bit deeper than simply friends. I guess parallel concepts are things like communes and similar structures.

What I've read indicates that this isn't really a new thing for human relationships, but rather, a very old idea. The ideas of monogamy, and it's more current realization, serial monogamy... In my opinion, are very limiting. They represent a chaining of the human spirit. To love someone, you must shut off your love for anyone else, and sacrifice any if the ways you may find fulfillment with others.

I don't think that, if you love someone, that simply shuts off if you find a new connection, and I personally think it is healthier - results in more fully realized people - to not try to do that. Of course this flys in the face of our current social model, but I'm quite sure both of you know exactly how little that aspect troubles me.

Ultimately, my feeling is that love should always be a positive - add to who we are - and that we all have the capacity to love more than one person at a time.
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