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Old 08-19-2011, 06:34 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I am noticing recently how much I tell myself I need to say and hear the words "I love you." And even though it's very ingrained in me that this phrase is so important, I have been reminded several times that it's what we have that counts so much more than the words. I know for myself, if I can say it or hear the words back, I feel like I've "locked in" some kind of... something, and until that happens, I just have a hard time trusting what I've got with someone. But in reality, the words don't make your relationship more solid - you do. Your acts of lovingness and your openness to love are more important than any verbal affirmation of love.

As Catfish said to me recently, while pointing out to me that what I have with my current lover might not be the kind of love I envision, but "if he treats you well, makes efforts to make you feel good, cares about you, is willing to help... must be a duck." Meaning, must be love. So, as I stated in my blog, I have to remember that there are many shades and hues of love. Why do I have to get hung up on the words?

I think you're doing fine. I've told you this before, but I really don't think you have to focus or worry about the moment you tell him because I think it will just happen naturally if it does at all, and if it doesn't, know that he FEELS the love even if you don't say it.

And who knows -- he may surprise you and say it first!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 04-30-2014 at 10:28 PM.
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