And yes, I finally have found my peace.
You're defenately not a monster. Your feelings are what they are. I hope if you decide to speak to your wife she will listen and not freak out. It only has to be a discussion. Not something you're defenately going to do. A possibility. But honestly I would find out first if F would be willing to have a relationship, because otherwise the discussion with your wife may be pointless. If you speak to F about it, and she declines, at least you'll know and can maybe try to get past it. If she agrees, then you can try to speak with your wife.
Just my thoughts.
It's not necessary that you lose both of them. *HUGS* good luck
"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson