Topic three that needs to be addressed.
In case someone whose been reading hasn't noticed, I have fallen for Vanilla. Badly. Big time. To a point where I'm struggling to keep my head above the water of NRE.
I felt like an NRE monster. Here I was, neglecting existing partners to go romp away with the new one, if only in the emotional sense. Since I didn't feel this intense, all-consuming passion with Moonlight, I must be taking him on for a ride. He would just be getting the emotional sloppy seconds of me, not the full-on attention he deserves.
And then the horror, the mayhem! I was over their place one night and we didn't have sex with Moonlight
! I was too tired after a ten-hour work shift. We made up for the lack in the morning, but I was still petrified. If you no longer are humping at every opportunity, it must be that things have staled down beyond repair, right
Due to past experiences, I freak out way too easily over any and all sex-related weirdness in a relationship. I was convinced my relationship with Vanilla was about to turn entirely platonic after a similar fall asleep without prior sexy times-experience a month ago, which I took to mean we were, after two months of dating, in the middle of the fabled Lesbian Bed Death(Over-reacting? Me? How can you say such a thing?!?!).
You can probably see why I value partners who are a bit less excitable and have a firm grasp of reality.
So I took a few days to mentally prepare for my "I understand if you want to break-up with me"-talk with Moonlight. It went something like this.
"So, you know, I'm really in love with Vanilla right now."
"Um...does it, like, make you feel bad, or sad?"
"As long as still you like me, too, I'm happy for the two of you."
All the anticipation! All the drama! For nothing? Talking about an anti-climax right there.
He also went on to talk about how he somehow, even after such a short time, feels very established with me. Like the love between us is born more out of shared attachment than intense infatuation. I truly feel like a satellite member of their family now.
And he's making me a skirt for my b-day. Totally non-poly related, but just wanted to gloat over having a man who can sew
Also, Vanilla told me just recently she doesn't feel the need to look for any additional relationships right now. She feels so fulfilled with me, all her needs are being met, and her head is too full of my rose-tinted pictures right now. In her previous relationships, when she's been with a man, she's felt like maybe a woman would be more up her alley, and with women she has yearned for a man to come along. She said I'm the first one she's ever dated who doesn't make her feel like she's lacking something in her life. I know it's the NRE talking but I like what it's saying. And her need for male companionship is pretty much catered to by her FWBs. She said it feels funny that now when she finally has the opportunity to explore other relationships while with someone, she doesn't need to. Maybe it was just the freedom she needed before. And a few years along the line, when we're more established, there's time for others.