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Old 05-12-2009, 09:53 PM
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River River is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,902


I'm happy that you and your partner are in such a positive, growing, place with one another! I don't have any further response to what you have said just now. I'm just happy you're on a growth-path and in a happy place.


Here's a web-page on effective and ineffective communication. I offer it only as "food for thought" and for discussion purposes--not as a sanctioning of this perspective over others.

I will also offer other tid-bits over time. I'm hoping to learn how to be a better communicator as well as to help those I am close to to do the same. It seems to me that good communication skills are crucial to healthy relationships, but that most of us are not as good at it as we'd like to think: including myself.


Lately, I call myself a "high verbal" person, meaning that

(a) I like to talk and be heard and have it known that I'm being understood.

(b) I "process" my "stuff" better if I can talk about it and feel heard and

(c) I find verbal communication nourishing and nurturing in loving relationships
--especially when it is flowing smoothly and going well, and when there
is mutual respect, kindness, and risk-taking.

My partner appears to me to be a "low verbal" person, meaning that he generally has preferred, over most of our relationship, to

(e) prefer to "process" his "stuff" (e.g., personal challenges, emotional
"issues" and difficulties) inwardly and quietly, often while alone.

(f) hasn't been much of a talker for most of his life, often spending large
spans of time not saying much -- even when spoken to.

(g) doesn't have very highly developed verbal skills, such as those which are
developed by practices such as writing, talking a lot with others (not to
others), reading, etc.

This difference between my partner and I (I'm not ready to say I have a second partner, yet; though that may be developing--too soon to say) has been very challenging for both of us. But we do love one another, and things do seem to be improving--though not without frustration on both of our parts at times.

Last edited by River; 05-12-2009 at 09:59 PM.
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