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Old 08-19-2011, 04:47 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Epilogue: I noticed, the next day, that Eric had posted an FB status update that night about watching Bee breathe, "listening to music and to Gia and Anna chat in the next room," and about loving being a dad.

Thoughts:
- I love that he is so relaxed and happy and that my presence is a piece of that picture
- Being mentioned by him like that in a public forum makes me feel validated to a silly degree
- I sometimes forget that, because they've been so tightly glued together this last year, Eric ends up hearing almost everything I say to Gia... when I make myself vulnerable, when I laugh with her, he's a part of it too even if he's not participating
- I must be more comfortable and relaxed about him than I used to be, otherwise I wouldn't have forgotten that he was there and potentially listening to our conversation
- I still want to just tell him, straightforwardly, that I love him
- Ideally, I'd like to talk to Gia about it again before doing so, to get her advice, but when will I see her apart from him?

Stupid beautiful Eric, stupid beautiful dream, stupid fear of rejection. No, more than rejection, I fear that words will break this peaceful equilibrium we've achieved. What if I say it to him and he doesn't react well? Things being awkward with him would probably seriously impact my relationship with Gia.

Take sex, for instance, since I brought it up earlier. I already know that Gia is much more comfortable opening up sexually with Eric there. If he and I are in a weird place, it could delay/complicate my relations with her in that regard. Argh.

I've gone this long feeling it and not saying it, why not continue? Why risk screwing things up when everything is so damn good? Because it's a problem for me, like or not, and it isn't going away. I just wish I could trust him not to have an issue with it. But I don't, he was burned before and took it way too much too heart, he's so fucking skittish about emotions.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 08-19-2011 at 04:51 AM.
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