I see what you are saying, but in reality my kind of "common sense" is not applicable in a poly relationship. Because while I have opened myself up to the idea and embrace it, there are a lot of things about polyamory that ARE considered demeaning or degrading in the more mainstream part of society. It would be considered disrespectful and wrong in the world I come from for a man to have sex with anyone other than his wife.
So it's not that I think polyamory is an allowance for bad behavior or that it is a degrading, hurtful scenario, but that I acknowledge that the rules ate completely different. They just are. It is not weird for a person who has always been in exclusive monogamous relationships to wonder if "girlfriend" means the same thing in this totally opposite arrangement. As it turns out, looks like it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing.
I don't want to be mistreated and won't tolerate it. But is my idea of mistreatment more a remnant of my previously monogamous lifestyle? Is it fair for me to expect or want to be allowed to have sex with someone else's husband? Up until now the answer would have always been no.