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Old 08-18-2011, 10:28 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,483

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
Is it possible that I am misunderstanding what "girlfriend" means? Maybe I assume it meant more...but do some people/couples in the poly community use that term for just an exclusive sexual partner? In the relationships I have been in, a man would never ask you to be his girlfriend if he just wanted to fuck you...that's just not how traditional straight mono men work...but is that Not the case with polys?
Speaking for myself, I don't call someone my gf or bf unless we have a tight loving relationship, and there's a real feeling of caring and commitment.

I did have a 2 year relationship with a younger guy that ended recently. I never called him my bf because our relationship was primarily sexual. I called him my boytoy or my playpartner.

I do have a gf, but we didnt call each other gfs until we'd been together about 6 weeks, and had several weekend long dates, and IMed every night for hours when we couldnt be together. When it started to feel odd to not say "I love you" at the end of a weekend together, or a night of chatting, that's when I realized I wanted to call her gf and say I love you.

If you and your couple have been having sex for four months, and never gone out on a date as a 3some or one on one, I wouldnt say you're their gf. But perhaps you and the woman do go out on dates, have long conversations about your lives, interests, feelings, ups and downs, cook and eat together, cuddle, watch movies, then maybe she is your gf. If she is, you should surely be able to feel free to talk to her about your needs in this triad: for the guy's phone number and email, for dates with him, for the ability to message him when you feel like it, to talk and enjoy him as a person, not just a sex partner.

I think I am going to feel her out. I might ask when he and I can go on our motorcycle ride, since she mentioned that before...if nothing has changed and they aren't just looking for some ass, she should be cool with it. And then I can go from there...
And not just one motorcycle ride. What about going out on dates on a regular basis? Is she interested in that? Is he?

We have planned on a sleepover next weekend, so we will see.
Good luck! Other people have addressed the sex part some more, so I'll leave it at that.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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