Iím on the verge of telling my poly boyfriend that Iím cool with him pursuing other partners. But I havenít done it. Somethingís holding me back and I donít know what.
Iíve looked at so many resources, more than I can count, but I still feel so unsure. I feel like unless thereís some resource I havenít found that will make it all click and make me completely certain, then I have truly done all I can and the next step is to try the polyamorous relationship and see where it goes from there, with lots of communication between myself and my boyfriend.
One of the greatest sources of hesitation is that I donít like the guy he wants to pursue very much. Ideally Iíd hoped heíd find someone and weíd all love one another equally, but I know itís unreasonable to expect that. I want to be his friend but Iím afraid if we donít get along well enough it will make things unbearable.
I feel like I could tell my boyfriend Iím comfortable with this if I detached myself from it all emotionally and convinced myself that I donít really care about the relationship as I told him. Many poly resources have talked about the importance of not needing a relationship and being fine with it ending. I feel like if I felt fine about it ending, the relationship would have no value to me.
I really just feel like a horrible boyfriend. Should I wait until I'm certain about it or does certainty never come? Would you advise that I try poly anyway or I wait until I feel 100% comfortable (though I doubt I ever will)?