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Old 08-18-2011, 08:52 PM
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sage sage is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 632

This is his first experience of loving someone deeply (ie me) who is exploring other relationships. Prior to this the shoe has always been on the other foot (so to speak). It's so funny he keeps coming up with all these little objections: "I had to email you for ages before you'd go out with me", "I just want you to be safe baby"; "Men are different from women" etc etc.

Dinged you have been around here long enough surely, to realise that in polyamory there is nothing necessarily missing in one relationship in order to explore others. The reasons why I'm doing this are in my blog post and I can honestly say there is nothing missing..... although there maybe is in a roundabout way (thinking as I'm writing here). We shifted from New Zealand to Australia at the beginning of this year, leaving all our friends and family behind. We're living in an apartment and I'm a keen gardener (yes I am, the property hubs and I owned that required an additional gardener was 2 acres of manicured lawns and formal gardens, I needed help, but yes got more than I bargained for). I suppose this is a way of making interesting connections with other people which can be difficult in a new city/country. Z doesn't relate well to men on a personal level and so making "couple" friends can be a bit tricky, although we are trying and going out with a couple he met via work on Saturday night.

Thanks for your questions dinged they are making me think. Poly people say love is infinite and I get that, especially as I'm feeling more loving all the time. But practically there is also the analogy of the pie, I guess I'm looking to replace the piece of the Z pie that he is taking out into the world on his poly explorations, with others. I am also finding that changing my identification from mono to poly has changed my mindset. I no longer get hung up on all the mono stuff because I'm starting to see myself as poly. It is making me happier and more at peace and that is the main reason I'm doing this. Life is too short to struggle at anything for too long. I think if something is too hard it isn't meant to be and we should find another approach if we can.

Where are you at with your marriage?
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