Originally Posted by TruckerPete
I didn't offer any advice, but here's my take.
Seamus seems to be okay with your poly when it's theoretical, but when real life possibilities come up, he panics, immediately tells you how awful he feels instead of trying to work through anything on his own, lays a bit of a guilt trip on you, and then you have issues and feel guilty in return. Then, he calms down, things are okay, but you ultimately decide not to persue whatever option you had.
Granted, this is based on this example and your previous potential, the ex who you had the contact info for, so take it or leave it.
My personal opinion is that Seamus needs to spend a bit more time reflecting on his feelings before hitting the panic button with you.
I can speak personally that this is always a good idea. Often my first reaction is panic/emotion/fear driven. I need the time to settle down and let it dwindle a bit, so that I can think rationally and figure out what's triggering me. Often it's just the "suddenness", and once I work through things I'm fine.
I'm learning to wait to talk to hubs about things until I've gone through this. This would be much easier if he didn't so often spring things on me at the last minute (gotta love the ADD impulsiveness). We're working on it