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Old 08-18-2011, 12:29 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

There are women out there who are drawn to male/female couples, certainly. I'm one of them. Don't be too discouraged, just be open to what you find -- both in other women and in yourselves -- rather than being stuck on a preconceived notion of the one way it's gotta be. Keep a sense of humor, an open mind, and a firm grip on reality.

Most of all, just try not to be these people (it might seem like hyperbole, and to an extent it is, but people actually act this way without realizing how cruel they're being!):

The simple fact is that interpersonal issues, problems and mismatches are common... every relationship has them, and the relationships that work are the ones where the partners acknowledge those things and work through them, which takes self-awareness, kindness, patience and time. When you're talking about three people instead of two, the problems become literally exponential. To make this sorta thing work, you've got to make sure you've got the issues in the original relationship worked out as much as possible. And you've got to be prepared to see the original relationship potentially change. I think a lot of couples seeking a third fail to recognize that adding another person is likely to shake up their dynamic. When they do realize it scares them and I think that, more than callousness, is what causes them to act in the ways described in the flowchart above.

I'll give you a quick cautionary tale. Before they reached out to me, my girlfriend Gia and her husband Eric dated a woman named Jen. Gia and Jen fell in love. Eric liked Jen a lot and loved the sex and felt like he was "supposed" to love her too, so he went ahead and said he did without examining his real feelings. Suffice to say, when it ended, it was extremely messy and painful for everyone involved.
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