Hey there, Lost.
First off, you read our WHOLE blog?!? Wow.... If I tried that I think my eyes would fall out of my head
Secondly, a few questions for you. Remember, "I don't know yet" is a perfectly acceptable answer:
How does the fibro affect your relationship with Khas? Does he fill the shoes of 'caretaker' a lot, or do you struggle through by yourself with it? On a related note, how severe is your fibro? Mohegan tends to bounce all over the place with hers, ranging from "annoyingly achey" to "OMG I'm not moving from the bed today". And of course, there's never any real warning when it's going to randomly get bad. I'm asking those questions because, depending on your answers, I may have more insight on certain things here.
You mentioned being envious of B. Can you explain why you are envious of her? This question is more for your own benefit than anything else - if you can put that emotion and the reasons it surfaces into words, you can understand it a lot better. Now please understand, I am in no way saying that the envy (or pain, or anger, ect.) is somehow wrong or bad or something - you're allowed to feel whatever you feel, there's no "right" or "wrong" involved in that. But in my experience feelings like that tend to stem from an insecurity or a need not being met, or at least the fear of a need not being met. (And there's nothing wrong with having insecurities either, we all have a few. It took me forever to figure out what mine were.) If you can figure out exactly what and where those feelings are being caused by, it will be MUCH easier to deal with them.
That doesn't mean they just up and vanish overnight. Keep that in mind, and don't beat yourself up if you aren't just magically "cured" of those feelings after figuring out what is causing them. Like I said earlier, there's nothing wrong with you feeling those things. Determining what they are being caused by doesn't make them just go away on their own. They can be worked through and conquered, but it takes a lot of work, a LOT of trust, and a willingness to be exposed to the insecurities causing those feelings.
That is some scary shit
You may not be at that point yet, and that's OK too: there's no "timetable" or "schedule" for figuring all this out, you have to go at your own pace.
You also mentioned tha the idea of Khas loving B the way he loves you is painful. Again, the answer to this may seem obvious, but it's more to help you figure things out than anything else - why? Why is that idea a painful one for you?
So now that I've given you all kinds of introspective, self-analytical things to think about, (I remember you mentioning that you hate doing that sort of thing), I'm going to duck and run before you throw something at me
Just remember, there is no "right" and "wrong" to your feelings, and you are not "doing something wrong" by feeling the way you are feeling. I know I keep going over that point, but I don't want you feeling guilty because you aren't happy and filled with glee over Khas's relationship with B.
OK, I'm getting off of here before I think of more questions to bombard you with.