Thank you everybody for your support, input and advice. I appreciate it so much, and it helps to know I'm not alone. Yea, I'm scared shitless and nowhere near ready to take another step with either my wife or F. But knowing I'm not alone has lifted me up enough to at least start rationalizing my situation.
Jools, yep, I'll regret not going further. I hope against hope that she doesn't leave.
Fidelia, absolutely I need to find myself someone to talk to. And I thought the same thing you did about the other friend way back when. Don't know how she'll take it, though.
Radiance and Maca, your story is very inspiring to me, and I hope that I can be as strong as you two are. Maca, I know you're right that someday I'll end up slipping again. I hope I have my head together by then.
And thank you all for not judging me the monster I have been feeling like. I'll be around here and there, but I still need to maintain a kind of low profile until I can sort through all my feelings, and indeed, try to reason out what my two loves are feeling.
Brightest blessings to you all and my many thanks,