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Old 08-18-2011, 08:03 AM
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sagency sagency is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: U.S. Pacific Northwest
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Communication is vital. But... (ready your rotten vegetable throwing arms) sometimes we really should just shut the hell up. *duck*

Seriously though, the impetus is to talk talk talk. However, people also need time. All the comments about "it gets better" should really say "it gets better over time." When we poly folk announce sound grand thing to our partners, sometimes the worst thing tk do is insist on talking about it. "Honey, I brought home a Poseable Goth Doll <tm>, and we're in love! Now let's talk about it in exhaustive detail, I'll tell you my deep emo stuff, and then it's your turn to tear out your own guts."

Really?

We may want to talk it to death, but sometimes Honey needs a chance to process what the heck just happened before he or she goes about the process of emotional self-evisceration. Learning ~to~ talk is important, but the next step is learning how much to talk. Each person has their own capacity for taking in and processing information. Our desire to output may not match our partners' capacities for input. If you overload that system, communication gets garbled.

Instead, fed data at a rate that doesn't overload the input and allow processing time before expecting output. We want that output right away, but we've likely been processing a subject for some time already if we're articulating it for others. Those others are just receiving the data, and they'll need some time like we'd already had.

And don't forget the heart is a muscle. Overtaxing muscles makes them hurt and makes them tired. Sometimes we need to take a break from the constant probing to let the muscles rest. (Bonus points to the leacherous folks who just chuckled at the term "constant probing".) If you have a scab, taking care of it helps it get better, but that doesn't mean constantly picking at it. If you pick at it too much when it's trying to do it's thing, you might leave a scar.

If you're tired, slow down and breathe. Your problems will be there waiting for you tomorrow. Unless your problems just needed some time to process and heal on their own.
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