Yesterday Khas took the day off work and as it was the first day of school for the girl we spent the day with more talking.
I think we got farther this time. See we have discovered we have completely different views of what marriage means.
To me you marry someone when you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. No you don't expect that they will fulfill all of your needs, however those that they don't fulfill going in to the marriage are ones that you are prepared to live with.
Just like the little foibles we all have, yes this can be viewed as a sacrifice, but I never thought of it that way. I love him and no he doesn't like to dance or be social or enjoy the moments of life with giggles and waving at fire trucks.... but that's ok, that's him and I can live with that.
To Khas marriage is something you embark on when you find the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. Period.
I may not have got that completely correct but that is my interpretation.
So with B it seems that she fulfills the needs he has for music and spirituality, things I am apparently too grounded in the realities of life to really be able to encourage and *spark* in Khas.
I must say that did hurt, I have a hard time being the rock, the one who makes sure we make it day to day and week to week. Unfortunately the fibro doesn't do much to help me keep the basics on track so when I am down it effects the whole fabric of our lives.
I have a hard time thinking of him loving her the way he loves me, so we compromised. For now he is pursuing a FWB type relationship with B and we are both open to the knowledge that what he wants and what we hope to happen in a few years is for the relationship to be stable enough to join into ours more permanently.
I have a lot of issues with B too, she also hurt me with all of this and I am working through that as well.... *sigh*
So I have had a choice in this all along, live with it and learn to love the truth of the expanded knowledge of who Khas is inside... or leave.
I have chosen to stay, I am feeling better in some ways today. Not real great right now as he is at her house and I told him to do whatever he feels is good for him right now. I am not in his head, heart or body so if he is ready to take their relationship to a more physical realm that is totally up to him.
I just hope I can handle any emotional fallout in a non-destructive and non-attacking manner.
Oh I got a new tattoo yesterday, I really think that helped. Now my kitty fairy guide is with me permanently.