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Old 08-17-2011, 11:19 PM
Tristania Tristania is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2

Thank you all for your replies. I'm sorry if I used some of the terminology incorrectly; as I said, this is new to me, and polyamory is just the word my husband used for it. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

I have told very few people about my situation, and have gotten very biased responses. Most people I know think it's crazy to bring a third person into a marriage in the first place, so while their advice was well-meaning, I wasn't sure I could trust their assertions that my husband was being abusive. I still don't know about that...there are times when I can very successfully hide my emotions from people, and maybe he thought that I'd really changed my mind about the situation (the night I took the pills). I think, honestly, that he was just glad to get the answer he wanted so he didn't think too much about it, but if he had I think he would have felt bad about pressuring me. I do share the fault in this, as I have never been comfortable saying "no" in sexual situations--when I was younger, I just avoided situations where I might be pressured. Things had been going along pretty well for the 8 years my husband and I have been together, and I guess I kind of forgot about that vulnerability of mine, I felt happy and safe with him, and I didn't anticipate all those old feelings coming back. But that it is my issue, not his.

@River: no, he is not a psychotherapist... he actually has a lot of contempt for the whole field of clinical psychology. But I am planning to go to a therapist, anyway. I know people who have gone to therapists and say they saved their lives. I don't expect my husband to respect anything a therapist tells me, and I doubt I could ever convince him to go with me, but I think I need to go for my own sanity.

@BlackUnicorn: your description of my husband is very unflattering, but I have to admit there is a ring of truth to it.... he does have a kind of Nietzschean attitude about "herd morality," and I think that's why polyamory (or whatever you would call the situation I'm in) appeals to him. I think it makes him feel set apart from other people, better than other people, if he has two women on his arm instead of one. Your comparison of my situation to trafficking victims kind of scared me...

@redpepper, thanks for pointing me in the right direction...

I don't know what I will do in regards to my relationship...I guess I will have to see how I feel after counseling, but thank you to everyone who replied.
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