Wow-do I know how you feel.
Maca's ex cheated, they divorced.
I watched it fall apart.
We got together.
A lot of b.s. happened, I fell in love and I cheated.
He found out.
I promised not to let it happen.
I tried to block feelings.
I tried to stay away from C.
I tried to be what Maca wanted.
Suffice it to say I tried a lot of things and I failed at ALL of them.
5 weeks ago yesterday I just finally decided that even if it destroyed me (which I deemed HIGHLY probable-like 97%) I had to just be honest to me and to Maca.
I wrote him a letter (chicken shit I know) and let him know that yes I am still in love with c and that from here on out I wasn't pretending to be what I'm not-because it is killing me and that is hurting us all.
I told him I was from there on out acknowledging not only he as my husband but C as my boyfriend because I'd rather be hated for being honest and true then for being a liar and a cheat...
Anyway-I fully expected him to walk. He didn't.
BUT I was prepared when I wrote it to have 1/2 of my life and heart and my whole world destroyed, because I honest to God believed he would.
I don't have advice-beyond, if you aren't true to yourself-it will disinegrate your marriage even if you do it for her.
"Love As Thou Wilt"