Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Hmm, this one got me thinking. Why does everything need to be light and fluffy and in perspective? I mean, LOVE is heavy and messy and out-of-proportion more often than not.
I would totally get the need to keep things fun and casual if that was the set-up of the whole relationship from the get-go, i.e. NSA/FWB/fuckbuddy arrangement.
Also, the whole NRE/nesting instinct tends to work against keeping things in perspective
I personally squashed down any feelings of NRE in my secondary relationship for the first several months, because I'm too practical (and stubborn) to get carried away if it seems too risky. Recently I've decided to embrace it since the relationship is still going and it's nice to feel it now, and I think it's made it easier on my SO.
I don't know if nouryia has discussed this stuff with her secondary, and I certainly don't think that heart-wise a secondary relationship has to be any less deep and loving than a primary one, and since it seems she would like the idea of more, I don't know if her bf wants clear lines of primary/secondary, if she does, or if she only thinks there should be a clear difference so it's not so damn confusing.
In my case I think I
meant my secondary relationship to be FWB, and a couple of months ago when we spoke on it we seemed to be at the "really like each other stage unless the other person feels more and then maybe we were open to more". Now with things feeling differently for me I sure don't have any desire to talk to him about it anytime soon. Some partners it is easier to talk to about this stuff, some it's hard and scary to talk to about where feelings are at - and if it turns out feelings are more one sided - well that gives more potential either for the relationship to end or for a lot of stress in a relationship, so having a light and fluffy viewpoint would be so helpful to...avoid dealing with that fallout
I _think_ I welcome an intense messy love affair at some point, but man, some relationships are too complicated to keep around without going crazy or keeping it simple.