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Old 08-17-2011, 07:34 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146
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Tired? Freaking exhausted is more like it.

I often feel like I'm being torn apart. I love my (mono) wife, who is not very happy with the idea of me being poly, though she has shown some signs of having done some thinking about it. I have also carried a torch for another woman for a couple of years, though having only recently come to the realization that I'm poly rather than a potential sleaze bag cheater, I've kept those feelings bottled up and haven't told that other woman, though the torch still burns as brightly as ever.

I don't sleep much. I want to tell that woman so badly, but what to do? My wife and I have not yet reached, and quite possibly may never reach (in which case, our marriage may well end--I don't know how much longer I can take the strain of being a square poly peg in a round mono hole), a state where I can date someone else, much less express affection (or more), so I tend to think it best to keep it to myself. She has a boyfriend of her own, and I have no idea if she's poly friendly, so there's a lot of potential for getting shot down there, too (though perhaps that would simplify things for awhile, even though it would hurt).

Dear Wife just got back from an extended visit with her family, so I didn't bring the subject up tonight. I wanted her to be able to mentally transition home and relax. It'll come up again soon. I hope I can just persuade her to read a few things and think, and then we can talk--sagency's stuff is brilliant, and "katrpillar" has also written some brilliant stuff on the livingpolymono list. There's also the spectrum from no to yes.
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