I think turning this into a blog post would be good, I have seen lots of people post advice, answers to questions and whatnot on peoples posts in the blog section, as it gives the opportunity to see a persons whole history in one place instead of trying to remember it or looking up past posts to try to remember things you've written about in the past. Easier to give pertinent advice if you end up posting long term I think.
I should really start one sometime but I find I don't know where to start so I haven't. When my 1st husband and I became poly, LORD it was a lot of work - luckily this second time round with my 2nd husband, he is a 20+ year poly vet and I already know how I feel about everything so it's much more anticlimactic, but I sure remember how exhausting it was staying up til 2 am every morning talking everything to death, this time after the first month there wasn't even enough stuff to keep us busy talking about it during happy hour!
I hear you on trying to figure out what secondary means for you and if you can do it. I'm in my first relationship where I am seeing somebody that couldn't be anything other than that for tons of reasons. Balancing emotions for this seems so much harder than the other relationships I had where they were single and open to being in a co-primary relationship with me while I was married before. I might kill about now if I had a clue about how to do light and fluffy and keep things in perspective!
I guess the good news is it does usually get better if everybody is willing to do that tiring work! I suggest learning to dream about self help and communication so you can improve on relationship skills while catching up on sleep though